Why I’d vote For Adolf Hitler: A Satire On Voting For The Lesser Of Two Evils

"Congressman Hitler proposes the
slaughter of only 6 million Jews for
the greater good. ... It is much better
than his rival in politics, Senator
Josef Stalin."

(Attribution: Bundesarchiv, Bild 102-
13774 / Unknown Heinrich Hoffmann /
CC-BY-SA)

By Reformed Inquisitor

 

The date is unknown and we are facing election time once again. On the one side towing the conservative line is Congressman Hitler, on the left we have Senator Josef Stalin, and some say somewhere in all of the political fog, Judge Moses has decided to have it out with the two big name politicians. No one takes Moses seriously. He has 0.2 of the population who actually know that he exists, and those are the fools who actually believe voting out of principle is a worthwhile endeavor! At any rate, we have some interesting personages indeed!

Starting with Hitler: He is an excellent charismatic figure and an outstanding Christian man. I have heard him speak in a rather convicting and moving way, indeed, his Christian convictions are evidenced is words like,  “As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice.“ A lover of truth? A lover of justice? Thank God! We finally found someone who is workable!

Now, I confess, Hitler has some things not going for him. I have heard him speak somewhat vehemently against the Jews and suggest genocide of sorts. He said on one occasion, “My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. …Today, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed his blood upon the Cross. …”  

"We have the Senator [Stalin] who is
definitely the greater of the two evils
... He gave a generous estimate that
he is working on a plan to put around
10 million of the people to death."

This is somewhat of a queer interpretation, but I can’t let petty matters like this cloud my vision when so much is at stake; at least he’s Christian in his genocidal ideas! Congressman Hitler proposes the slaughter of only 6 million Jews for the greater good. Only 6 million, you ask? Of course! It is much better than his rival in politics, Senator Josef Stalin. On the other hand we have the Senator who is definitely the greater of the two evils (after all, Hitler’s a Christian and Stalin’s an atheist). I once heard him say, “Death is the solution to all problems. No man – no problem.” How radical! This man doesn’t just propose 6 million deaths for the greater good; he proposes death as a way of politics. He gave a generous estimate that he is working on a plan to put around 10 million of the people to death. The general populace did not accept the plan very well, and it is thought that he has dropped the idea entirely. However, it was rumored that he mumbled to himself just a week ago, “The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.” What a morbid and cold individual!

So here we have it: 10 million – 6 million  = 4 million people who will not be killed if we vote for Hitler instead of that diabolical individual, Stalin.  It’s a no brainer!

At this point you may be asking about Judge Moses. He’s talking about the 10 commandments and its application to all areas of life, including the civil government. He patently states that both Hitler and Stalin would be detrimental to the society and that their ideas are insanity and sinful. Wow, that’s all fine and good but he doesn’t have a chance! Would you honestly risk having the possibility that Josef Stalin become the next ruler of the country? That would mean 4 million extra people that will be destroyed just because you wanted to vote for God’s law. How selfish! How naïve! Not to mention Moses dropped out just minutes ago; he decided for health reasons (and age reasons; c’mon, give him a break!) that it was for his better interests not to get involved in the mayhem. It is not an option not to cast your vote; you cannot seriously consider doing that when 4 million lives are at stake. After all, wouldn’t that be abandonment? As a Christian, shouldn’t you be voting for the lesser of two evils, especially when we can be optimistic about Hitler’s Christian values? He’s workable!

Besides, Hitler has a lot going for him: he goes to church, believes in God and is seeking the welfare of the people whereas Stalin is an atheist, power hungry lunatic who thinks people should die just because they are people!

Proverbs 8:12-21:

12  I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions.
13  The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

14  Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength.

15  By me kings reign, and princes decree justice.

16  By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth.

17  I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.

18  Riches and honour are with me; yea, durable riches and righteousness.

19  My fruit is better than gold, yea, than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver.

20  I lead in the way of righteousness, in the midst of the paths of judgment:

21  That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance; and I will fill their treasures. (Emphasis added)

This article was originally posted at Reformed Inquisitor